Research by Princeton sociologist Patrick Sharkey has found that between 2003 and 2022, the average American added almost 100 extra minutes at home every single day. That’s an hour and thirty-nine minutes more spent within our own four walls than just two decades ago. What is perhaps even more surprising is that this trend began long before the COVID-19 pandemic. The pandemic accelerated it, certainly, but it did not create it. We had already begun retreating indoors.
At first glance, that might not seem particularly alarming. Home is, after all, where many of us feel safest and most comfortable. It is where families gather, where children are raised and where precious memories are made. Spending time with those we love is never something to apologise for. The concern lies elsewhere.
The research shows that we haven’t stopped eating, exercising, working, worshipping or relaxing. We’ve simply stopped doing so in places where we naturally encounter other people.
Meals that once involved restaurants have become takeaway deliveries. Exercise that once happened with others has moved to home gyms and online classes. Church services are livestreamed. Films are streamed from the sofa. Shopping arrives at our doorstep. Technology has made life wonderfully convenient, but convenience has quietly changed the geography of our lives.
As Sharkey’s research demonstrates, each additional hour spent at home is associated with less time spent with friends and more time spent alone. Not necessarily lonely, interestingly, just alone. That distinction matters.
Perhaps the greatest loss has not been our closest relationships but what researchers describe as the “middle layer” of community. These are the neighbours we greet while walking the dog, the familiar face at the local café, the volunteer we see each Tuesday morning, the person who sits beside us at church, the gardener we chat with over the fence or the stranger who slowly becomes a friend simply because our paths keep crossing. These relationships rarely make headlines. Yet they quietly hold communities together.
Many years ago, political scientist Robert Putnam warned about exactly this trend in his landmark book Bowling Alone. His concern wasn’t simply that people were spending more time by themselves. It was that they were gradually withdrawing from clubs, community groups, volunteering, choirs, sporting organisations and countless other places where trust, friendship and belonging naturally develop. Looking back more than twenty-five years later, his observations seem remarkably prophetic.
At GFS Perth, we’ve come to believe that this is one of the defining social challenges of our time. We often hear people speak about loneliness, and rightly so. But perhaps an equally important issue is what we might call social inactivity.
Just as physical fitness declines when we stop moving, our social fitness declines when we stop regularly exercising the habits that build relationships. Friendship is not simply something we find; it is something we practise. Like any muscle, it grows stronger when we use it and weaker when we don’t.
The irony is that many of the very conveniences we celebrate have quietly removed the small moments of human interaction that once punctuated our days. We no longer browse bookshops as often. We order groceries online. We collect takeaway rather than linger over coffee. We scroll rather than stroll.
We have optimised our lives for efficiency, but in doing so we may also have optimised away many of the unexpected conversations that once added richness to everyday life.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with a quiet evening at home. Solitude has its place. Rest matters. Families matter. Home should always remain a sanctuary. The challenge comes when staying home ceases to be an occasional choice and quietly becomes our default setting.
That is one of the reasons Friendship Central exists. We are not simply creating a café or a community garden. We are intentionally creating what sociologists sometimes call a “third place,” somewhere that is neither home nor work but a welcoming place where people can simply be together. A place where conversations begin naturally over coffee, where volunteers work alongside one another in the gardens, where children learn from older generations, where strangers gradually become familiar faces and familiar faces slowly become friends. In many ways, that is what communities have always needed.
The good news is that none of us has to solve this challenge all at once. Rebuilding community doesn’t require grand gestures. It begins with small, repeated decisions to put ourselves back into the places where life happens alongside other people.
Perhaps this week you might choose to meet a friend for coffee instead of texting. Attend a local community event you’ve been meaning to visit. Join a gardening group or volunteer for an hour. Take your laptop to a local café instead of working from the kitchen table. Wander through a farmers’ market, linger after church for a conversation or simply stop to chat with a neighbour rather than offering a hurried wave from the driveway.
You might even decide to invite someone around for a simple afternoon tea. It doesn’t need to be perfect. Friendship has never depended on spotless houses or elaborate menus, more often than not, it begins with a kettle, two mugs and an open door.
At GFS Perth, we also encourage people to embrace what we call social fitness. Challenge yourself to exercise one social muscle each week. Introduce yourself to someone new. Reconnect with an old friend you’ve not seen for years.
Attend one activity in person rather than online. Join a volunteer team. Share your gardening knowledge. Learn someone else’s story. Every small interaction strengthens not only our own wellbeing but the fabric of the community around us.
Perhaps that is the greatest lesson hidden within this research. The answer isn’t to reject technology or convenience. It is simply to remember that joy, belonging and friendship are almost always found in places where people gather. Sometimes the most important journey we make all week is simply opening the front door.
Want to follow the journey?
Visit us — Come and see Friendship Central taking shape.
Join us — Volunteer, become a member, or join our Makers community.
Partner with us — Become a Founding Partner and help build something that lasts.
